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Serious answers only please?
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50 Responses to Serious answers only please?
get out , then figure it out from there
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pledge_of_Allegiance
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http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Global_Population
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Poor Baby! My heart goes out to you! What a bum!
He’s already left your marriage, and his addiction to porn may not just “stay” at the adult level; he may further deteriorate toward child porn if the adult porn does not satisfy him.
I would suggest you get in contact with an agency that assists women w/children who are in abusive relationships. They can help you get re-established in an apartment and help you get stronger skills for your job. Don’t stay when love has gone.
You and he and your kids all need God’s intervention. Prayer is a good start, but you need to find a very very supportive Church family that will protect and guide you as you travel down this unknown road in life. God will give you incredible strength to get through this. Don’t despair! Please don’t despair! There are people in your same shoes who have survived, and done so well.
A new man now or soon would create more damage than good. I am pleased that you don’t automatically lean toward that avenue. Best to get your kids protected, your job strongly going, and your finances in line. There are those people out there (friends, Church) who can help you budget and write letters to creditors or whomever to help you over this bump in the road.
I usually do NOT advise people to leave their mates, but your hubby is not focused on your or your family. He’s so self-absorbed that he’s becoming very destructive to all of those around him. The ONLY way I would take someone like that back would be if he had a 100% Spiritual conversion – bar none – was fully vested in Jesus Christ! Nothing short of that would suffice.
Keep your chin up. Take your steps carefully, slowly, and with much thought and preparation. Enlist those around you you can trust, and allow them to help you in ALL they ways they can. Don’t let your pride interfer with what needs to be done.
My best to you!
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pledge_of_Allegiance
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http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Global_Population
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Global_poverty
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llive without a man. girl power
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cut his d*** off
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another reason to throw your religion out the window. get you a lawyer and get him for child support. You need to worry about your kids not some phony god or your dead beat husband.
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http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Global_Population
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sounds like a real loser, the hell with him let your faith takeover you and your children will be fine
your not the first and wont be the last
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Talk to your clergyman. This is a miserable way to live and I doubt that any religion would force would you to stay in such a loveless and abusive marriage.
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http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Global_Population
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Leave him, start over. That simple. If you let your religious beliefs stop you from learning from this and meeting a better guy later in life when your more mature, then prepare for life with no man. In the end, clearly this relationship is over, so move on.
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http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Global_Population
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Global_poverty
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Why do you stay with an abusive man??? Do you know what your relationship is teaching your 3 kids?
Get out of the relationship. Ask for help from family. If leaving him means that you and your 3 kids have to live in a studio apartment, then so be it. It’s better than showing your kids that it’s O.K. and normal from daddy to hit mommy.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pledge_of_Allegiance
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Knights_of_Columbus
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Global_Population
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Global_poverty
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Do you have any family near by? If you do, take the kids and move out and live with family. There’s groups out there that can help abused women. You don’t have to put up with it.
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http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Knights_of_Columbus
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Global_Population
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Global_poverty
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Actually I don’t know how to address your issues, but I would like to ask…What the heck did you have kids with him for?
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http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Knights_of_Columbus
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Global_Population
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Global_poverty
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Kick him to the curb
BUT
Keep the kids
AND
If its against your religion to remarry, Find a nice guy and just LIVE with him. You dint have to marry him.
Thanks,
Adam W
If you need any more help(if i wasn’t descriptive enough)E-mail me. Its jelly94fish@yahoo.com
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pledge_of_Allegiance
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Knights_of_Columbus
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Global_Population
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Global_poverty
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I’m sorry to hear your dilema but you should’ve known him before you settled down with him. But if you’re miserable then I will give you this advice. Life’s too short and you need to do whatever you can to get away from anyone who cause you misery. That’s the bottom line. As far as your religious belief is concerned I say go seek another church where they will forgive you if you choose to divorce because the real God should be a forgiving God.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pledge_of_Allegiance
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Knights_of_Columbus
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Global_Population
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Global_poverty
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Your situation is a very serious one, and you need the kind of help dealing with it that you are not going to find in snippit answers on Yahoo! But, I’ll try to bottom line it for you: You need a good therapist who specializes in helping people overcome codependency. You are classically codependent and you need to learn what that means and how to get healthy, both for your sake and for your children. You need the help in order to get away from this dependent guy and not keep ending up in dependent/codependent relationships. I’m speaking from experience here, and I’m not judging you. Honestly, get some help.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pledge_of_Allegiance
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Knights_of_Columbus
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Global_Population
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Global_poverty
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dump him dont let him dump you and which religion can you not remarry i have never heard that dont let your kids be around hi9m cause hes abusive if you need financial help my church would be glad to help any one in need of it
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pledge_of_Allegiance
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Knights_of_Columbus
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Global_Population
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Global_poverty
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Well, with 3 kids to raise with a divroced weirdo father and a working mother, I’d have to say that dating other men is really not going to be a priority!!! Why don’t you end the relationship, make a new home/life for you and the kids, continue with your job, and put other men on hold until your youngest child turns 18.
You might want to call your local women’s shelter if he’s abusive- they can offer you assistance.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pledge_of_Allegiance
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Knights_of_Columbus
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Global_Population
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Global_poverty
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How can you be technically no longer married? Did you actually divorce?
I understand the religious beliefs. If you cannot get along with this man, and it sounds like you can’t, then get away from him and just don’t have any other relationships. It’s gotta be better than being with him.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pledge_of_Allegiance
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Knights_of_Columbus
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Global_Population
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Global_poverty
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will i think you should divorce him and take your kid and go some where out of the country that you choose that the kid will love to go.
by myself
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Listen, love goes up and down. This that you have is so much important that fantasy love. Yuu have four kids with this man!
by myself
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Your not in a marriage, just leave. There is always family to help you, if no family then there is shelters that will help you. You deserve much more than what you have. You need to start looking out for you and your kids. Leave this jerk. Good luck to you and your kids. I truly feel that you will have a better life without him.
by myself
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uhmm… first of all leave that guy period!!!!!!!!! live single first then when you feel you’ve moved on then look for a better husband…i hate women who put up with a husband like that…i know its hard to let go and accept but its yer decision if u want to forever put up with him
by myself
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I would say do whatever causes the least harm. And in this case staying with him is causing a lot of harm. Both physically,mentally and emotionally for you. And staying with him encourages his behavior which would consequently lead to more women being victimized by his behaviors. I feel it would be much better to leave than to allow yourself to remain in as much pain your currently in.
by myself
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Ask for help from friends and family… Do whatever it takes… PRAY… GET THE HELL OUT!
Just go for it… decide to… for sure and the answers will come!
by myself
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he’s abusive?
turn him in!!!
he can be arrested for that!!!
gurl! turn HIM IN!!!!
your kids……it just can not be good for them!
turn him in! and leave him! do it! work hard!
you can get away from him!
abusive men do not win! you will win! what? i dont know! but you’ll when it!
as for his addiction. just keep your kids away from him as best you can! that stuff………you do not want your kids around that do u? keep them away from him untill you can get away! k?
keep me posted!
i may only be 15 but i care!
spree101591@yahoo.com
cara
P.S. also remember to tell the cops that he stole ur money!
by myself
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Honey let him GO, you don’t need to be treated like his punching bag.. You dont need him in your life.. You and your kids will make it fine, even if you have to go to social services for help until you get on your feet.. The longer you stay in that abusive relationship the more your children will learn from him.. CHILDREN LEARN WHAT THEY LIVE!! Don’t you think your children deserve a better life than to see thier mommy getting beat up on or called names…
by myself
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You dont mention your religion but I dont know of any that tells women should live unhappy. They might be against divorce. None also states where you should stay unhappily married with a man that has obviously no regards to his wife or family for that matter.
So what is wrong with divorcing and finding your self a new person in your life that will treat you and your kids the way you are supposed to be treated, with dignity and respect.
Start saving money from now on… if he wants to leave, then let him leave. I am sure with 3 kids he will have to pay child support and alimony for you.
What kind of religion allows for men to do whatever they way and for the women to live miserable?
I am sorry to say but no one can make you feel any less unless you give them permission.
Time for you to move on and get a new life.
by myself
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DEAR TROUBLE, YOU SHOULD GO TO A WOMEN’S SHELTER, AND GET AWAY FROM HIM OR YOUR KIDS MAY BECOME MOTHERLESS. YOUR KIDS DON’T NEED TO GO THROUGH THIS. YOU MIGHT SAY THEY DON’T SEE YOU FIGHT, BUT THEY KNOW WHATS GOING ON, KIDS ARE SMART. I AM KEEPING MY TWO GRANDCHILDREN RIGHT NOW B/C MY DAUGHTER WON’T LEAVE HER ABUSIVE BOYFRIEND. PLEASE LEAVE HIM AND GO TO A WOMEN’S SHELTER THEY CAN GIVE YOU SOME HELP. PLEASE GO !!!
by myself
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Get out. If not for yourself, for the kids. If nothing else, there’s usually a community women’s center that will take you in on a temp basis.
You might want to also re-evaluate your commitment to a religion that effectively makes you a hostage and a slave in your own home.
by myself
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HAVE YOU EVER HEARD ABOUT CHILD-SUPPORT. YOU DON’T NEED A MAN BY YOUR SIDE. PLUS RELIGION SHOULD NO T HOLD BACK FROM HAVING A MORE PROSPEROUS RELATIONSHIP.
by myself
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Lady, you need to re-think your religious beliefs. Do you really think God wants you to suffer alone or put up with your husband’s BS? Even in the bible it allows for divorce for certain reasons and you have plenty!! There is no reason for you to spend the rest of your life alone!! No, don’t stay with the jerk!! What is it teaching your children?? They will grow up and treat their spouses the same way! Is this what you want? Be brave enough to doubt what you have been taught!! Religions try to control people with fear! You pray to your God and see if you don’t get a clear cut answer on this!! If God loves you, he also wants you to be happy!! Besides, if you are technically no longer married, then aren’t you already going against God? Help yourself and your children and RUN AWAY, there are people and places ready and waiting to help you if just look for them!! God bless you and help you find a peaceful life!
by myself
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I would seriously suggest that leave him for good, and go to friends for financial help if needed. In the long run you will be much better after you organized the matter.
88
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who has custody of the children? If you do you should file head of household on your taxes and claim the children and get earned income credit…let him leave —your tax check will be far more than his and you’ll be fine without him…you can do better than a man who treats you like that…Lift yourself up girl…and show him you don’t need him and will excel without him bringing you down…
88
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hunny no do not put up w/ that and u need to have a man man do alot of stuff for ya but u rly dont realize it dont let him hurt u just say ok move out go live w/ your gf and say u arent hurtin me at all ur just hurtin the kids cuz they arent gunna be able to c ya that much and just aked like it doesnt bother u one bit evn if it does be strong go out to bars find a guy u like and just say wanna be friends then hopefully u guys will be together then married just w/e u do do not let a man hurt you allthey try to do is get ther lil happy way and feel happy bout hurtin the woman.u can luve w/ out a man cuz u arent hurt all the time but if u get another man that is just as good cuz the will be there for ya but hun dont let a man hurt u is all i gotta say u can contact me if uwantt>staryeyes96@yahoo.com
good luck
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What kind of religion would stop you from remarrying? Sounds backwards to me. “technically” not married, but he’s threatening to leave doesn’t make sense. A lot of open ends here.
Time to start living for yourself and your kids. Forget this guy and his faults, just dump him. Get a good attorney to get child support and start your life over.
good luck
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Sweety, let me tell you. You do not know how much better you will feel once he is gone…just think about it like this, if he wants to leave now or later her will. So let him go now would you rather hurt for a while cause you are alone or hurt every dang day that he fills like being an asshole. I know how you feel been there done that. and it feels gooooooood to be free!
good luck
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There is no reason why you should be with a man that abuse you both mentally and physically, involved with enternet hoes and do not respect you. If you feel the need to stay with him you need to let him know how you fell about the situation if that don’t work then you need to leave him and live your life without him. you need to do whats best for you and the kids
good luck
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What religious beliefs require a woman to be a slave to her man? You are not married, he could leave anytime. Go, let him go he is a porn addicted control freak. Who in the world needs that. Think about what it’s doing to your kids. They are watching, listening and learning from the two of you. Do you want your son to believe it’s OK to hurt your wife physically and emotionally? do you want your daughter to grow up believing your husband is supposed yo hurt you?
Go, run leave as fast as you can. God will provide you with a safe home. He does not require you to suffer hell on earth,
If you want contact me.
good luck
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There’s no excuse for abuse. Call a laywer and start the divorce proceedings. You should be able to get alimony and child support. I don’t know what religion you belong to, I don’t know of a religion that would prohibit a person from pursuing their personal happiness and prevent them from striving to be the best they can be. Perhaps you’re misunderstanding the teachings of your religion if you think it would condemn you to choosing whether to be alone for the rest of your life, or to stay in an abusive relationship. I’d say, if this is the case, find a different religion. No one deserves to be abused or disrespected.
good luck
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My heart certainly goes out to you.
Will never understand that when peoples’ minds change about their relationships, they will just not be upfront honest about it and then release the other person……far better than the physical and mental(which can cause just as much damage) harm they can inflict on a person.
Also, you must consider the affect it has on the kids.
God does not expect you to continue with a person who harms you and yours children.
If you have made every effort to work things out and he continues to refuse …… your answer is pretty clear cut.
You prayerfully search your own heart about another relationship for you and your children do deserve happiness also.
Continue to pray for him however that he may see the damage his actions are causing for him and his familyl.
good luck
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Well, he is controlling you. He needs to go to counseling and get help for this. Even if you could get help from a religious advisor. I guarantee his porn addiction comes from an intimacy issue in his past, perhaps not knowing how to show love because it was never shown to him? He also needs angermanagement and communication help. Just remember, that it is extremely dangerous to stay in an abusive relationship, especially with kids if he is not willing to get help or getting help for it. Do you know of anyone that you could stay with? Even if you moved out until he was getting help for it. Good Luck.
good luck
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Life is about taking risks, sweetie, if you don’t take them, you’ll wake up one day asking yourself “Why didn’t I do this or that?” when it’s already too late. LIFE’S TOO SHORT!!! Sure you are in a terrible situation, but don’t you think you’ll be better off without him? Who needs an abusive man at home? And who says you can’t start your life again? Even the Pope grants divorces so think about it.
Bottom line, you should start your new life thinking that your children and YOU are the only people that matter. Don’t think too much about loneliness, you can feel complete without a man by your side. I’m telling you this because I’m a single mother and haven’t had a real relationship with a guy in almost 8 years!! And I’m not desperate to find one for now. I know that it’ll come one day.
good luck
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You need to get out ASAP, your children need protection from mental and physical abuse. You yourself need to be away from it also, and the fear that all of you live with.
Your children are seeing this and are learning that this is the way a relationship is “supposed” to be. If you have sons, they will learn to be abusive, if you have daughters they will learn fear and submission.
Your religious beliefs are yours, but I don’t understand what will prevent you from having a relationship as you are with your husband but no longer technically married.
You do not have to accept the abuse, the porn, or any of his other actions. I would suggest contacting a woman’s shelter and let the help you get out or prepare to get out. Many can offer training programs and other helpful information about jobs and protection orders.
Your husband/ex husband will have to pay child support, if he refuses to pay, his tax returns can be garnished. I have known people in your situation. Sure, it can be rough at first, but living without constant fear and abuse is more than worth it in the long run.
Good luck and God’s speed….
good luck
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dear Trouble what you’ve just typed is normal when the two married persons(technically are no longer married).
small problems start to seem huge so if you are not ready to move on just stay for a while and be patient. you will need to change the way you deal with him by acting that you don’t care about his other relationships. all what you need to do is to role play. i know it would be hard but when you succeed he will be more caring and less abusive. he will appreciate that you no longer criticizing him.
save some money as soon as you can and be ready to move on when you are able to pay your own rent
good luck
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this relationship is not healthy for you or your children. This can really affect their future relationships and i’m sure that they are suffering as much as you. You need to think about what is best for you and your children. You need to get him out of you home immediately. I’m not saying that he can’t change but until he does, there is no point in being with him. I know that he is the father of your children and that you care for him very much but he needs to get help. The way he is treating you is not right and no matter what he says it is not your fault. I know you are scared about making it on your own but you can get food stamps and health insurance for you and your kids just as a TEMPORARY solution until you get a job. You don’t deserve to be treated this way. Remember you are not alone. You have God. He never gives us more than we can handle.
“My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” 2 COR 12:9
good luck
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let him go save your money get away from him as soon as you can i think your religion Will forgive you you have kids to bring up so thy can see that you can’t do it alone and with 3 kids you will fine good new love sorry for you good luck to you and the kids
good luck
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Just reading your story makes me sad I have been there ,but as you write you can tell you dont want to leave this man ,But God does not want you to be abused either ,I respect your belief ,But you cant stay if he doesnt love you anymore ,and I know that hurts to think but if he loved you he would fear loosing you .ok here is a idea I know you wont want to ,but get a legal seperation from him show him he must stop or he will lose you .sometimes these men play us ,and they take our love for granted ,like my husband told me you wont never leave me you love me to much ,well I showed him and he didnt like it ,sometimes even to here God you have to step outside the circus ,so you can here him ,if you stay in this circus you may not be able to here God as I know you have already ask him what should you do ,well I feel very lead to tell yah to step out of the circus and listen to what God wants for you he will let you know if you should stay or not but you need away from that mess awhile .remember with God you are never alone and in him is happiness !.wishing you the best dont let a man abuse you that is not what God wants for you ,dont let your love blind you either ,let God lead you ,peace be still my child ,I will pray for you ,
good luck
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You need to leave NOW!Wheres your selfestem?go to your church for help or go to family services in your area.Start saving your money and his.And about another man never say never.God will forgive him .This isn’t your fault Why would you punish youself for what he done? And these children hear this? Save them if not you PLEASE AND DON’T BE A PUSH OVER TO HIM ANY MORE!!!!!!
good luck
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He has no respect for god! He’s a loser! I believe you have a second chance to start all over again if god approves. Talk with your pastor/church priest and ask your god to forgive you for being blind. It’s not your fault. I recommend you do not run back to him otherwise it will make you a fool! Do not look for a relationship until you can survive on your own. Find a man who goes to your church and respects your values and beliefs.
BRB..
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